3 Ways to Make Your Marriage Dance

Over time, once the “honeymoon period” ends, maybe a few kids have joined the family, marriages can start to feel mundane, tiresome, routine, and dare I say – even boring. Partners can sometimes feel stuck and not know the steps needed to rekindle their lost connections.

I feel it is the responsibility of both partners to consistently check-in with each other so the “magic” that once brought them together continues to thrive and grow throughout the relationship.

I know what it’s like to feel disconnected from the person you love, and how that disconnection can cause fears about the relationship to creep in. I also understand the frustrations of wanting to improve things but having now idea how to go about it.

The connection two people have in a relationship is often compared to the connection two partners have on a dance floor.  

We have all seen an amazing couple dancing that left us in awe with our mouths open once the music ended. They tend to move effortlessly and are synchronized with each other.

Conversely, we can always tell when two people are dancing to the beats of their own tune and are completely ignoring one another on the dance floor. He wants her to go left; she turns right. She wants to “salsa” and he does the “fox trot”.  Disconnection.

Here are 3 ways in which couples with “two left feet” can make a marriage dance:

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1. Attunement

The first way to make your marriage dance is, attunement.

We must learn to correctly read our partner’s body language. Dancing is all body language. The leader does not verbally tell his partner what he wants her to do.

Instead, a quick flick of the wrist and his partner knows which way to turn or follow.

Good marriages also have this harmonious connection between partners. Each partner knows how to read the others’ non-verbal bids for affection and closeness. 

Without saying a word, sometimes with just one look, their partner knows exactly what the other is thinking and/or feeling. This is the level of synchronization we should aspire to in our personal relationships.

2. Trust

The second way to make your marriage dance is to always be building trust.

Great dance partners must have high levels of trust in order for their movements to be synchronized and on beat to the music. If I raise my arm to turn you to the left, I trust you will turn left. 

And if I dip you after the turn, you trust that I will not drop you on your head. Both partners are also trusting each other to not make fools of each other on the dance floor.

Similarly, one of the pillars of a successful marriage is trust.  Without this key component, there is no music in our marriages.

3. Spontaneity

The third way to make your marriage dance is to leave room for spontaneity. 

Even the best dancers know that you can’t just keep doing the same moves over and over and over again. It is important for your relationship to be flexible and open to surprises. 

For example, one partner can take the lead for dates night while the other plans vacation getaways.  

So what are you waiting for?  Let’s get off the couch and put on our dancing shoes.

And, if you’d like some extra support in making your marriage dance, reach out and schedule an appointment today.

– Jimmy Escobar, Marriage & Family Therapist

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