Mansplaining Couples Counseling

Let’s be honest, many men have very strong fears associated with opening up to their partners about their emotions.  We can run into a building on fire, charge into a school with an active shooter, jump out of airplanes and climb mountains, but we can be deathly afraid of discovering and showing our feelings.

The problem is that this inability to open ourselves up emotionally to our partners can create distance and difficulties in our relationships, that over time, can cause us to grow apart from our partners physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually.  

Additionally, many of us received messages via our families, culture, peers, media, and society that men who show and share their feelings or vulnerabilities are weak.  And that is another fear we often carry–the fear of appearing weak. 

I believe men can learn to confront their fears of feelings, which paradoxically, can bring us closer to our partners and get us the closeness and intimacy we often desire in our relationships.  

I know many of us want to be better men to our partners but oftentimes do not have a “roadmap.”

That’s why I am going to “mansplain” the counseling process.  Hear me out.

I often tell my male clients and friends that going to counseling can be similar to taking our vehicles to the mechanic for a tune-up. Think of your relationship as your car and your therapist as your mechanic.  Many men take really good care of their cars and respond quickly to the vehicle warning signs when something is wrong.  

They take the car to their trusted mechanic immediately when the “check engine light” flicks on.  They change the oil every 3,000 miles and rotate the tires every 5.  This makes sense because cars are tangible “things” that we can fix.  And we like fixing things.

Yet we often do not know how to read the “warning signs,” or we ignore the “check engine lights” in our relationships, which are intangible. 

  • What would happen if we gave our relationships at least the same level of attention we often give our cars?
  • What if you decided to take your relationship to the shop for a tune-up?  What if you lost your fear of “looking under the hood” of your relationship? 

In couples therapy, you will learn to read those early warning signs and be given the necessary tools to “tune up” your relationship. This way, you’ll have a healthy relationship with a partner you can trust to do life with.

If the “check-engine” light is on, and you need support for your relationship or you know your car isn’t running as smoothly as it could be, don’t wait. 

Schedule an appointment today and let’s get our hands greasy.

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